Love Is Watching Someone Die

This Death Cab for Cutie lyric makes me tear up every time I decide to listen to the album.  It isn't much anymore because I don't like to think about death.  Unfortunately it is inevitable.  Not only is death inevitable, but thinking about it is inevitable.  I'm typing this entry from room 526 of St. Elizabeth's hospital in Lincoln where my husband's grandmother is getting closer and closer to the ...well... you get it.

My mother's mom died before I was born, my Dad's mother died when I was a sophomore in high school, and my Mom's father died a few years ago, leaving behind his second wife- the woman I grew up knowing as my grandmother.  My only blood grandparent living is suffering from Alzheimers disease.  I've been to funerals.  I've grieved with my parents and my family members, but never have I experienced death as close as I have with Jeannine.

Jeanine was just over at our house on Father's Day.   On the fourth of July, she suffered a slight heart attack and went into the hospital.  Shortly after, she suffered a medium to large stroke and the rest is history. 

Jeannine has three daughters, one of them, being my mother-in-law who lives in Lincoln. The other two live in Tennessee and Michigan and flew out as soon as they heard the news about the stroke.  Naturally, I wanted to show my support for this family and for Jeannine.  I was able to chauffer both aunts from Eppley to the Lincoln hospital.  I've been able to bring Panera bagels for breakfast, but nothing has prepared me for the insanely emotional journey of sitting in a hospital room a the end of someone's life. The conversations, the decisions, the sleepless nights and tired emotions. I never experienced this with my own grandparents because I was always busy in school, and I regret not being able to show this sort of support to my own parents.

What a hard time for any family! Right now, for Jeannine's family.  As a new addition to the family I don't feel like I can even come close to knowing the emotions that are happening.  But I love my family.  I love my husband and I love his family too, and I will be there for everyone that I can be.  This is not something I look forward to dealing with ever again, but I know I will because it is inevitable.  And because when you love someone, you will be with them to the end.

This Blog

Choosing a title for this blog was really difficult.  I kept a blog in college and loved its title.  The Strawberry Blonde Statement.  It was based off of a book that spoke to me at the time.  A book that got me thinking more about our country, about politics, about people and our world.

I've been interested in starting a blog up again for a while now.  I have a new name (married!), a new email address, a career and plenty of things to say.  But for the title...  I chose a line from Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream.  It comes from a character that I always thought was meant to be played by me.  I related to Helena.  She was nerdy,  had crushes on boys, wasn't as pretty as her friends, and was very convinced her peers would all play tricks on her without a second thought.

Other reasons I picked this title:

•  I teach English AND Drama.  Shakespeare is in both of those places, and I adore his writing.
• The sport Helena refers to in the line is her perception that her friends are harassing her, and due to my sensitive nature I sometimes find myself unnecessarily defensive as well.
• I'm also very competitive.
• The line contains the word chronicled which is perfect for a blog that will live forever on the world wide webs.
• I'm not creative enough to come up with a hip and fresh new title of my own.

I'm excited.  Blogs are cool.  I hope I can write about my life and questions and thoughts and feelings and others will find it chronicle-able as well.